Friendship Best Practices
Letter Three is a throwback to one of my favorite Instagram Q&As.
During the early months of the pandemic, I started listening to the below podcast by Shaykh Mikaeel Smith called the “Rights of Companionship”. It was one of my favorite listens then and I hope to listen to it again soon since it was full of gems.
On one of the episodes, it was mentioned that one of the rights your friends have upon you is that you praise them in their absence. This is a byproduct of sincere love for one another. Praising someone in their presence can be a bit more complicated in the battle between insecurity and ego.
“It doesn’t hurt to pat someone on the back, say something positive, and push them along their path.”
As a result of that episode more than two years ago in August 2020, I decided to ask a question on my Instagram story.
“What are some “best practices” you appreciate from your friends?”
What followed were some of the most wholesome and sarcastic submissions I could’ve asked for. Today, I just want to share my favorite ones as an inspiration to all of us to be a better friend to the people we love.
Texts when the moon or sky are especially pretty that remind me to go outside for a moment
Friends that check in with a quick call/text if they haven’t heard from you in a while. It gets hard post-grad to stay in touch and life moves fast, but these little things lessen the distance.
A call every now and then or a “wassup” text
Calling you just to check-in
Telling you what you need to hear versus what you want to hear
Tagging or DMing memes that remind us of each other, low effort but much appreciated
“This reminded me of you”
When they send me old memories or memes that remind them of me
Sending tiktoks that remind them of you or something y’all share in common
When they send me something that reminds them of me! Even if it’s as simple as a tiktok
When I need time to myself for my mental health, they’re respectful and supportive
Calling each other every time we run errands because neither of us like to shop alone
Learning their love language and supporting them that way!
Getting coffee for me without me asking
Being off their phone when they’re with you and having presence
If you remember a memory with someone, to share it with them, I love when people do this
Not holding back words of affirmation or positive words for your friends
When friends randomly reach out and when they make an effort to be there for you
Random phone or FaceTime calls and sweet text messages!
Randomly calling or FaceTiming me when we haven’t chatted in ages
When you tell em good news and they are legitimately happy, no secret jealousy or apathy
Reciprocation in energy
When they appreciate your enthusiasm for a subject even if it’s not their interest
When someone listens to and takes my advice, I feel valued
Randomly coming over with my favorite pastries for tea talks
Handwritten letters because they’re always unexpected and fun to read
Pronouncing my name correctly! I always take the time to learn your pronunciation
Hitting up the old group messages to collectively feel the bond
And last but not least:
“One of my favorite things to do with friends is hate on abe together”
Friendship is so important. So hold on to those friends who have love for you and bring out the best in you.
Abu Huraira reported: The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “A man is upon the religion of his best friend, so let one of you look at whom he befriends.”
Reads: The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman
Shoutout: A dear friend of mine has been going through some difficulty, and all I can ask for is that you pray for them, so please take some time out to do so.
Donate: To Qalam to help support their free podcast content. Also, to areas in Pakistan dealing with damage and destruction from severe flash flooding.
If you have any other “best practices” feel free to leave a comment below.